Friday, June 19, 2009

Broken and Poured Out

Hey. Been a while, I know. I haven't really figured out how to process the loss of Papa yet. There is so much in my mind and my heart.

Papa (Grandpa) Tommy Lee Hallman went home to the Lord on Saturday, June 6, 2009 at 4:45 AM ... and I was there.

Here is a brief list of some different things I have shared over the past week or so with others regarding my experience (in no particular order):
  • Watching someone you love dearly suffer so greatly is literally sickening
  • The last hour and a half before he passed away was (finally) peaceful
  • I am thankful that I was there to help out
  • I had very little sleep because I was either at Hospice, or driving Grandma around trying to take care of things for her afterwards ... but it was worth it
  • I am still exhausted
  • Aunt Tammy has had some set-backs from her double mastectomy due to all of the additional activity and stress
  • I believe God will heal Aunt Tammy
  • I have not had time to have a melt-down yet
  • I am proud of big, strong Tommy and Critter for the way that they gently cared for Papa - the Hospice House staff said that they should have been paying our family
  • I am so grateful that Papa is no longer suffering, but I am so broken-hearted - he was only 73
  • I stand firm in believing that God is faithful
  • I have beautiful moments savored in my mind and heart of standing by my Papa's bedside, singing hymns, reading scripture, and praying
  • It was precious to hear person after person tell us how it was because of my Papa that they have come to know the Lord
  • It was a service that celebrated his life on Earth and his Home-going to Heaven
  • I need be reminded that God is holding my Grandma, my family, and me through this

Psalm 6


1 O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage.

2 Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.

3 I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me?

4 Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love.

5 For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?

6 I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.

7 My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

8 Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping.

9 The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.

10 May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. May they suddenly turn back in shame.

1 comment:

Sweet T said...

now on my 4th attempt to share with you "Yeah, Me Too"!!
You nailed it concerning "Papa's" last hours. I too was ok with being there, however, not believing this was happening. We were/are so very blessed with those that loved him too. How will we every thank them all! Some silly little thing will come along and catch you off guard {ie. Orange Cake Mix[gma]} that will help you to release. I pray that you will feel God hold on to you in that moment! love you much,mom