Unraveling

... but still holding on to the hope of God.

That best describes me right now.

Papa (Grandpa) went back to the hospital yesterday. Just two days before Aunt Tammy's surgery to remove breast cancer tomorrow. His body is intoxicating itself, so to speak. He is in excruciating pain. Papa is suffering physically, everyone else in the family is suffering emotionally in their own way. My cousin Tommy is filling out paperwork to be Papa's legal caretaker so that he can take medical FMLA and help out with Papa and Grandma. That is a really good thing. My Mom is taking off of work tomorrow and Friday to be with Aunt Tammy (and Uncle Jimmy) through her ordeal. Papa is at one hospital in town, and Aunt Tammy will be at the other one. They are across the street from each other.

I feel anxious and unnerved. I know that I cannot add one day to my life (or anyone else's) by worrying and so I am to cast all my worries on God. I know that ... in my head. Why won't my heart listen? I am not sleeping well at night. I've had more stress-induced migraines in the past month than I think I've ever had in total. I feel almost physically ill because I can't be with my family right now through everything. I feel tired. I feel unsettled. I feel nauseated. I feel unnecessary guilt.

However... My heart does still believe that God is compassionate and merciful. So when I was awakened by Him just after 5 this morning, I immediately took all of this to Him in prayer. I apparently didn't let go of it all, though. Please pray protection, healing, and comfort for my family; and peace for me!

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 55:22

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Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I Peter 5:7

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