Somewhat Easter thoughts

He personally carried our sins in His body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By His wounds you are healed.

~ I Peter 2:24 (NLT)

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I saw my Papa (Grandpa) yesterday. "Don't hug me too hard, baby," he joked, "I'm only half the man I used to be and I might break." I giggled like I always do when my Papa jokes with me, but there was sadness in my heart. This was the first time I've seen Papa and the rest of the family since last September. This was my first time to see my Papa since he has started to walk with a cane because of his knee. This was the first time I saw him look physically small. This was the first time that I have seen him since he has dropped 90 lbs. quite rapidly over the past several months because of cancer. This was the first time I saw him in obvious physical pain. This was the first time he hasn't called me "O'Rain" within the first 24 hours of seeing him. This is the first time that I am honestly wondering if this is the last time ...

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While that stirs a sorrow in my heart, I'm somehow to rejoice tomorrow that Jesus arose from the grave. I know that when I hear the songs, I will choose to engage in worship with my Saviour. I know that in my head, but I'm wondering how my heart will take it. How will my soul feel about that? How do people rejoice when they are hurting? I don't really know the "right" answer to that, but I do know how I have experienced joy in the midst of sorrow ... by choice.

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God gives us free will. He lets us choose. He "personally carried our sins in His body," yet He does not call us slaves despite the fact that He bought us with His blood. He calls us friends. He calls us sons and daughters. So while He gave everything for us, we still can choose to turn away. So since it is all about choice, then maybe we just have to choose to step into rejoicing even when our hearts are heavy. I'm not saying it's easy (I know better!), but I am saying it's possible. One of my most intimate moments with God was in an extremely low and dark day in my life ... I turned on worship music, fell face down, and just sobbed (If you'd like to know the level of sobbing, check out Psalm 6). After lamenting to God and laying it at His feet; I began singing praises in my slobbery, snotty, broken state. Did my circumstances go away? Nope. Did my situation change immediately? Nope. Did I still connect with God? Absolutely. Did I experience some joy, peace, restoration, and healing? Without a doubt!

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It is a daily choice to have intimate moments with God. He's there ... we have to choose to let Him in our lives. We have to choose to worship when we don't feel like it. We have to choose to let Him be God. We have to choose to allow Him to fill us with His peace and joy. It seems like a lot of decisions, but they're really not so bad when we consider that He chose to love us faithfully. He chose to love us regardless of how we love Him back. He chose to die so that we might live. I like that it says "might" ... kind of seems like we have to make that choice then...